the story of our broken hearts

i'm not sure exactly where to start or how i'm going to get through this. there will be lots of tears, and there already have been. i pray the Lord gives me the right words to say. late last friday night/early saturday morning we lost our sweet baby. we don't know why this has happened, but we know we have a precious angel looking over us now. my heart aches so bad for my baby. we had 10, almost 11 short weeks with him/her. it's crazy how attached you can get in such a short period of time. i was even already giving her a name in my head. and i say her, just because that was the only name i had come up with.

i have been leaning heavily on Jesus, my husband, our families, and friends during this time. we have truly been blessed with amazing people in our lives that have provided us with wisdom, strength, compassion, and mostly LOVE. i can't tell you how much this means to us.

i know that there is a reason that this has happened to us, but right now, it's really hard to see that. we just want our sweet baby to still be here. she was real. she had a heart beat. she had eyes, and organs growing. she was fine one day and gone the next. i'm not sure when this ache will go away.

i'm trying to find comfort in both the arms of Jesus, and the arms of my husband. jacob has set a great example and has been my rock through this. i can already feel that we have become closer, and i love him even more for his love and dedication to me. scripture and music have helped me as well. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." jacob really thinks that we will be able to help someone in the future because of our own struggle. he keeps reminding me that our sweet baby is not hurting, but is praising Jesus in heaven. she is going to be our little angel to watch over us.

thank you Jesus for being my Savior, my comforter, my healer, and carrying me in your arms during this time. may our hearts, our tears, our thoughts, our words, and our actions be a blessing to you in the midst of our suffering. you are my HOPE.

this song has been a blessing to me:



please continue to pray for jacob and i, as well as the rest of our family because this was going to be not only our first child, but a first grandbaby, greatgrandbaby, and niece/nephew. we will never forget you...

nausea...

this is going to be short and sweet. i guess the nausea has kicked in. it started this morning, needed some crackers to get through drying my hair and putting on make-up. i tried eating yogurt for breakfast; bad idea. just felt crummy with that yucky feeling in the pit of my stomach all day. i did ok eating lunch and an afternoon snack, then it really hit me when i was in the grocery store, buying stuff to make Jacob a good, decent supper, and i passed an old lady with the most awful perfume and just about hurled, right then and there. i've made it home, but pretty much feel like crap, and i'm gonna try to get through making supper: roasted chicken, homemade mac n cheese, and asparagus...

i hope i get to enjoy it!

pray that this time is short and bearable. i have enjoyed everything about pregnancy so far; even getting to nap more often! just 2 more weeks from today and we get to go back to the dr. can't wait to see mcbaby and how much he/she has grown...

here's a quick pic of me and my current baby, duke! he hates pictures, look at those ears pinned back :(

love to you all and if you have any suggestions to help with the nausea, i will take them!!!

Things are GOOD!

Well, my first 2 days of work have been great! It's, of course, gonna take some time to get used to, but I love driving 10 minutes to and from work! Also, the girls at Legacy have made it really easy to like. I have told them about baby, and the first thing my new manager said was, "You're still gonna work, right?" Of course I will. I may not want to, but I will! She was relieved. :)

The only thing going on with me right now is just being exhausted. I keep falling asleep watching TV and then get in bed early. Jacob doesn't quite understand how bad it is. He thinks I'm just a wimp, but hopefully it will get better soon. Knock on wood, I still don't have any nausea. What a blessing! Other than the being tired all the time, this pregnancy thing has been awesome! I just pray it stays that way!

Sorry, no pics today. No energy...but Jacob and I have something to look forward to this weekend. His parents and sister are coming on Friday, and next Wednesday is our 3rd anniversary! YAY!

we're expecting...

yes! we are expecting, but most of you already knew that! i am trying to take it all in and really understand everything. this is something that i've wanted for a long time, and now it's my turn. it's a little surreal, but along with baby has come my reality of congestion, runny nose, and coughing. i'm wondering if this is going to be my morning sickness!?!?! i might be ok with that. no one likes nausea and puking.
on the other hand i have to say thanks to all of you who have prayed and continue to pray for me and jacob during this time! God has been so faithful and his timing incredible. i received a picture frame from jacob's mom, suzanne in the mail yesterday! it has the perfect words, and theme i want to use for this tiny precious baby growing inside me...
                                         ...FOR THIS CHILD WE PRAY...

i know that this baby is a gift from God and i want jacob and myself to start now praying for him/her. i pray for a healthy pregnancy and birth for myself and the baby, i pray that God grants us peace during this time of becoming new parents, i pray his protection and security upon baby m, and i pray that our lives as well as the baby's will glorify our Lord! there are so many other things that i pray, but you get the idea. i'm sooooo stinkin' excited.

i will have more updates as this new life is forming! on another hand, i start my new job on Monday! this is a time of great joy and lots of change! but i couldn't be more thrilled about it. aunt casey already has some cool ideas for baby m's first photo shoot!!! i love that we have a professional photographer in the family! and aunt dav can't wait to start on the nursery once we find out if baby m is a boy or girl!!! i'm blessed to have such talented, creative people on both sides of our family!

man, life is really good!