...

...i've been really wanting to create a nice, long post with lots of detail of how we are doing, but i'm still struggling to find the right words. one of these days i will have the words, but not right now. i have been pretty good, but still have my moments. just like tonight, with jacob out of town, i find myself alone again, and all i can think about is our sweet baby and the what if's and the fact that i would now be in my second trimester. it breaks my heart and always will. i miss our baby so much, more than anyone could even imagine. i've never experienced an ache or loss like this before.
i've been lifted up by so many people and couldn't ask for anything more, thank you all for letting us grieve and being patient with us as our hearts try to heal. here's a song that i first heard tonight called glory baby...it is a beautiful tribute to MY GLORY BABY MC!

Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby…baby..
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…
Until we’re home with you…

Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there’s a
day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You’ll kiss our tears away
When we’re home to stay
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘till mom and dad can hold you…
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do

Sweet little babies, it’s hard to
understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…

BRIDGE:
I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…

there's still lots of tears with this post and hearing this song, but i know that God is holding those tears in his hands. those big hands that hold the world still hold my tears and he wants to. he can hold my tears while he holds my sweet baby. he loves us so much. what a great feeling to know. 

i'm still praying for peace and comfort, please continue to do the same for me and jacob...